Zak's Burgers, Ballard

By some standards, entirely far too much of my life has been spent in search of the perfect burger. When I say perfect, I don't mean pretty dang good. I mean the quentissential burger, the burger that embodies and epitomizes all that is burgerdom. Because my tastes in burger zen tend to run in the more expensive direction (at least relative to most fast-food standbys), I tend to reserve my pilgrimages for days when life is at its most bleak. Today is one of those days, for I am a geek without one of his beloved gadgets. Today I mourn the passing of my iPod touch to the heartless, clasping world of greedy Shoreline Community College Students*.

And so I journeyed to a new burger joint in search of the perfect burger. My quest took me to Zak's, a burger joint on Market St. next to the movie theater. Walking in the door, I was greeted by a blue bathtub with crayons and a stack of menu's crowned by a sign that read "Take a menu. Find a seat. We'll follow the menus." Yeah, it's that kind of place. There's no attempt to maintain traditional formality-unique considering the sit down and be waited upon format that the restaurant otherwise adheres to.

I shuffled in, snagged a booth and glanced at the brief menu. Nothing too crazy here: just good old fashioned burgers with a few extra choices for adventurers. A very unSeattle touch is their featured menu item: The Big Johnson. Yeah, it's huge, and the anatomical allusion made is probably in reference to the confidence you will feel having defeated such an epic beast as this. Tonight, however, was not a night for such madness. I was on a mission.

One of the great things about burgers is that no matter how you slice it, there isn't that much to burgers. Anyone that pretends differently is taking themselves a little too seriously. Burgers are not about fancy. They are not about goat cheese, or julienned carrots atop lightly glazed chicken breast nestled between two warm buns. NO. Burgers are about beef. And America. But I digress...

My bacon cheeseburger was absolutely fantastic. The extra toppings were not filler, they were present and demanded my respect while still melding well with the meat and cheese. A nice unique touch to this burger was the super thick chunks of bacon that appeared occasionally. These chunks were in addition to the standard bacon slices. The result was a varied burger consumption experience the made each bite a tasty adventure. Huzzah! A step closer to burger Nirvana.

The fries were also truly good. I tend to be a purist; I eat my bread without butter, I don't salt my eggs, and I usually don't put ketchup on my fries. I believe that a food should stand on its own. Zak's fries validate my belief with a unique flare: they're perfectly crispy, ever so slightly breaded and they have a nice zing that might be seasoning salt, or maybe even vinegar. Either way, it's all good.

The restaurant is decorated in a way that's a little reminiscent of a 50's style diner but minus the 50's. There's random stuff on the walls with no real uniting them beyond funky kitsch. Although this decorating style is in some ways a copy of many burger chains, Zak's has separated itself by building its collection, rather than hiring a designer. What I mean is that the arrangement is homegrown and on the boarderline of sparse. It's nice, and it's got character, even if it's shooting for something that does not. A tagboard sign on each table announces that free food will be rewarded to anyone that contributes to their decorating venture. Furthermore, free five gallon buckets are available upon request. Yeah, I have no idea either...but free stuff is cool I guess.

*A quick P.S. to the punk that snatched my ipod: I will find you, and you will pay sucka!